New for now

http://losingtheillusion.blogspot.com/

For now I’ll be posting over at that link. I haven’t been completely happy with wordpress so I’m testing out blogger for a while.

Such a Typical girl, right?

Why do guys have to be so absolutely, ridiculously confusing. At the current moment I have about a thousand different thoughts running through my head and I think I fall back into old habits and old feelings as well.

Relationships I have with my friends. Relationships I had with guys. And the thought that for some reasons hits me about this time every year. Man, wouldn’t a boyfriend be nice. I think it must be the cold weather. Or the fact that Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Years are all coming up. Or that the thought of spending a combined 4 1/2 weeks of break alone with my family.

Three-fourths of the year I’m completely fine without a guy, most of the time I don’t even like a guy, but when the temperature drops below 50 degrees all of the sudden my brain goes crazy. The sad thing is I know the feeling will pass within a few months. Although if I did find a someone, maybe it wouldn’t. But I’m just not sure if thats what I want, or atleast right now atleast.

I see people I know, at only the age of 17 or 18 planning on settling down with people they’ve been with for a decent amount of time and all but I just can’t see myself being serious. But even though when I think about it being serious with someone maybe not seem plausible until I know who they are.

However I love being 17 and doing what I want and not having to keep up with anyone, other than my parents of course. I want to be able to sit at home on Saturday morning and sit in bed and watch Sex and the City. I want to go shopping at Target after school and just wander around and look for an hour. I love being about to go downtown and go from vintage store to vintage store, from old bookstore to old bookstore. But maybe I could do those things with someone eventually but for now, I like where I am.

Now that I’ve read this post over multiple times, I kind of realize that it pretty much makes absolutely no sense at all. I’m not sure what someone could get out of this, I’m not even sure what I can get out of it.

I need to shop, NOW!

Seriously….I am running out of cooler weather clothes to wear. I’m pretty sure in the last 2 weeks I’ve worn the same cardigan about 243058023485 times. Maybe not that much, but its been alot of times.

When it comes to clothes, I am so so simple. I wear lots of t-shirts, cotton shirts, some sweaters and recently I’ve been into owning loads and loads of cardigans. I’m also pretty strict about the pants I wear too. I own like 4 pairs of jeans, all straight or skinny. I have a black pair, a lighter wash a dark dark dark wash plus a pair of gray skinnies. but I want more! plus I need a few more pairs of flats.

When I shop I pretty much stick to Gap, Old Navy, some Target and maybe some specific pieces from Belks and Dillards. Plus I love getting some stuff from Delias and Alloy online. Like right now I really need a new purse and I’m seriously considering about going down to Ginger Michelle, this super cute store downtown, and getting a new purse and few really cute scarfs. However right now I think my parents are feeling a little strained when it comes to money and I pretty much have no money so buying a lot of clothes may not happen for a little while.

Not a Writer?

For my posistion at the Telegraph(newspaper) I was asked to write a column. One that I have absolutely no idea what to write it about! I feel like I have all these ideas about things that I’d love to write about but when it comes down to it, I just blank. I don’t know where to begin and where to stop when it comes to the things I enjoy writing about and what would sound good to the people of Macon and whoever else decides to check it out. Such as I know I love to write about things of my childhood and growing up like Lizzie McGuire, 4th grade stories or the ever present Backstreet Boys v. Nsync. I mean come on though, Backstreet Boys forever!!

I’ve also thought about maybe writting about my love for traveling, even more so less traveling and more of just going anywhere. I also thought it would be fun to do a column on the college application/high school career through the eyes of a public school girl. Because compared to others around me in Macon, I think I’ve got a pretty different point of view and I pretty different way that I am going to face college and everything else I approach in the future.

I guess I don’t know if what I write depends more on what people would want to hear or what I have to say? Is something still important if no one else bothers to even look at it or read it? Thats something I think I’ve always dealt with.

In other news, I’m so close to figuring out what I want to do, maybe not major in, but atleast narrowing it down to 3 or 4 things. I know that I just love politics, and I love Macon and Central and education and I’ve always had an interest in creating a better place for macon students to go to school. I know its a hard task and its something so many people in have done before. But I’d like to think that I could help. I don’t know though, maybe I’d be better better in a physchcology field, or culinary. Its just such a huge decision that I really don’t know if I can make it at this point in my life.

November 2009 Goals

It’s the start of a new month, thankfully and finally its November. October was a hectic month full of math class mistakes and remakes, high school drama and bliss and I’m just so glad its over but even if the last week of October did seem to suck it taught me a lot of things as well. Especially about the person I want to be and especially about the kind of person I don’t want to be and the kind of people I don’t think will be beneficial for me to associate with(sounds so formal…).

Goals for November:

1. Get back into the groove of reading. I used to read so much but over the past couple of months as my debit account and spending money shrunk into the teens I pretty much stopped reading all together. and thats not good for me. So whether it’s a new fiction I pick up at Barnes and Noble or some of my dads historical biographies, I plan on reading.

2.Finish my last 2 college apps. I am such a bad senior! It’s only like 4 months into my senior year and I’ve already caught a serious case of senoritas, which is the last thing I need right now. So with the 14th approaching quickly I need to send in my North GA app. Although I think the reason I haven’t been motivated to do anymore apps is because all my hopes are in getting into UGA.

3. Keep up with Photography assignments. Again, I really loved this class at the beginning but right now its lagging and I definitely think my attitude towards it plays a big part.

4. Write Teen Board story on Lanier-Miller-Central Foundation: I just recently learned about this yesterday at the Central Dedication but I’m really excited about learning more about it and exposing former Lanier-Miller-Central Graduates to this amazing opportunity to give other graduates the opportunity to go to college.

5. Ignore yearbook drama. yesterday I talked to my former principal Dr. Weaver and when she asked me about yearbook I told her it was “alright” and she immediately knew what was going on and she just encouraged me to do my own thing and get what needs to be done, done and that eventually everything will fall into place.

6. Visit UGA. I’ve been meaning to go up there for a while but I just haven’t gotten the chance. It’ll happen in the month of November though!

7. Get back into the church and  youth group. I tried really hard last year to get involved with the youth group but unfortunately nothing really happened but being my last year in high school I decided I needed to give it one more shot.

8. Start swimming again. I’ve loved to swim since I was little and I’m actually pretty good but since I can’t do swim team anymore I just kind of stopped. But I want to start back soon, I love it so much.

 9. Speak better. I pretty much just want to stop cursing as much and get better with my words around other people in order to make a better impression.

for right now this is all I can think of, but I’ll probably add more and I’ll keep it up to date and see what gets done and what gets bumped to December.

Newest

My all new addiction is Sex and the City! I found my moms season 3 of the show and I’m completely in love with the show. Yes, I know it is so completely raunchy but the heart of the show is just amazing. The main character Carrie Bradshaw has such amazing incite into todays classic woman that it just amazes me. Her ability to wear what she wants and write about what she likes and talk about things so openly is just so inspiring. She living my ideal life, except not the whole openly promiscous sex part. Other than that I just love the bond that she has with these women and although the four of them are in such different places in there lifes they are still about to relate to one another and give each other advice on their different problems. Its something I’ve always wanted!

But I also feel like the only Sex and the City fan who doesn’t like Mr. Big. And although I’ve only seen the 3rd season, but what I’ve seen of him so far, I’ve hated. He is such an arrogant jerk. He thinks he is so deserving of everything, it makes me sick. Maybe he gets better but so far hes just been so annoying. Now, Aiden, don’t get me started on him! He is so perfect for Carrie its crazy!

Now I’m off to watch Shes all That with the dreamy Freddie Prinze Jr and then Smallville. Then tomorrow it is such a nonstop busy day! First I’m babysitting for my moms friend Rebecca all the way in another county, then to the other side of town to take pictures for the paper, then to my grandpa for lunch and eventually its party time! I like being busy!

Cram, Cram, Cram.

Shhhhh…I really need to study. The SAT is tomorrow and I’m planning on taking a shower and then heading over to either Barnes and Noble or a Starbucks and studying my butt off for this stupid test. I hate it! SO MUCH!

But being me, I probably won’t get anything done. I suck. I want coffee, lots of coffee and then maybe some benydryl so I can go to sleep.

 

Now just to clarify, Jim and Pam are the best ever. Especially JIM!